Journey To Vegan

When I was first introduced to the vegan lifestyle through a friend in 1996, I was intrigued. I had already begun releasing things from my life that I felt could hinder my growth, like alcohol, red meat, misogynistic rap music, clubbing, and chemical hair straighteners. I was in my first adult relationship, a mother to my first child, and convinced that I was absolutely on the brink of changing the world.

My friend’s life mirrored my own. She was serious about her lifestyle. She and her husband appeared to be a beautiful, committed partnership that made moves in unison. I loved that about them. I found them to be very inspirational in my own life.

During our friendship, we’d have many profound discussions about everything from politics to music to education, but dietary choice was a topic that was deeply personal to them. I knew this, yet it was surprising and hurtful when I was criticized for consuming cow’s milk and cheese. Our relationship changed forever when they decided to skip the celebration of my marriage, seemingly because I hadn’t reached the finish line of plant-based living.

Thinking back on that experience still tightens my jaw a little, even though I have been completely vegan for 24 or 25 years. Falling short of your own expectations hurts enough, but losing relationships over it makes it worse, especially if you’re trying. Of course, in my maturity, I realize that what you eat is your business, just like who you love, and whether or not you worship whomever or whatever you choose.

I don’t judge people’s lifestyle or dietary choices, at least not to their faces. I definitely have opinions, but I don’t fight about it, nor do I cut people off because of them. I remember all too well the irreparable damage caused to a friendship over the speed of my personal growth.

I see vegans across social media judging newer vegans the same way that I was judged. I’ve read threats to never visit a raw website again because they included nutritional yeast or maple syrup in a recipe. What is it about humans that makes us want to be superior to others?

Veganism is a compassionate diet. Compassion is defined by Merriam-Webster.com as “The sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” We shouldn’t have to walk on all fours to get compassion. The desire to alleviate others’ distress or suffering should extend to other humans too. That can be done by lovingly sharing what you know. If you see that your message isn’t received, lay off. Humans have the ability to reason. If your message was sincere and informative, they will remember it. You’ve done what you set out to do. No need to beat people over the head with it. You can also share food. When I go to family gatherings, I bring enough food to share. People are less defensive and open to trying something new if they aren’t being attacked for their own choices.

Don’t fall for the trap of feeling superior because you’ve cleared more hurdles than someone else. And don’t feel inferior because you’ve cleared less than someone else. Focus on your own race, and be okay with where you are in the process.